The First Week

Well I survived my first week back at work.  It was nice to see everyone but I missed being at home a lot.  The first day was the worst, as I knew it would be.  I woke up and felt completely lost.  It felt like the first week home from the hospital.  I didn't know what to do first or how I should proceed with the morning.   Baby J was still sleeping so I tried to get everything done before he woke up then I could just feed him and go.  To top off all the confusion I was crying nonstop so every few minutes I had to go and get a tissue. 

Baby J wound up not waking up on his own so I had to help.  This only made me feel worse because I was really messing with his routine and there was nothing I could do about it.  I fed him, burped him and put him in the car seat.  Thankfully he didn't cry like he normally does when being strapped in because I was already a basket case and I'm pretty sure I wouldn't have made it if he had. 

The weather matched my mood that day as it was pouring down rain as I put him in the car.  It didn't bother him though, he was smiling and talking the whole way to daycare.  When we got there Michelle was waiting.  She asked how I was doing and I just burst into tears.  Seriously I don't think I have cried that much in a long time.  We had a brief discussion about when he woke up and when he last ate.  I handed over his diaper bag and finally Baby J and I walked out the door. 

My heart ached as I drove to work.  I was super early so I sat in the parking lot and called my mom.  Her and my dad both reassured me that I would survive, which of course I did.  When I walked into work my manager, Ginny, had a "Welcome Back" balloon, a vase of Stargazer lilies and a box of bagels waiting for me.  It was a wonderful surprise and made coming back to work a little easier.  She also allowed me all the time I needed to organize my new teller window and get back into the groove.  It was nice not to feel rushed right back into the job.

In addition to remembering how to do my job I also had to adjust to the new routine of pumping twice a day.  It was awkward at first but by the end of the week I was a pro at setting everything up and doing what needed to be done.  I'm also pleased that I have been able to pump enough milk for him to drink during the day so that I haven't had to dip into my stash in the freezer.  I was concerned about my milk supply crashing since I wasn't with Baby J all day, another worry to add to the others.

Throughout the day Michelle periodically sent me text messages as to how Baby J was doing.   All in all he did great all week.  The only issue we ran into was his napping.  He stopped taking his normal two long naps and only had a few cat naps.  I'm not sure what that is about.  This led to him being unbearably cranky all evening long and not sleeping as well as he had during the night.  I'm hoping this will change this week and he will go back to napping.  He also might be teething and that could be why he isn't sleeping.  Last night was the worst of it.  He was up every hour from 11:30 pm on.  Needless to say I'm pretty tired today.

On Thursday my mom watched him and they had a blast going to Mommy and Me and then to Costco.  In the afternoon they went for a walk.  On Friday Jim's mom sat with him.  It is nice to know I have our parents to look after him two days a week.  They both come to our house so Baby J gets to keep some of the same routine that we had before I went back to work.

I still wish more than anything that I could go back to staying at home with him.  I miss him like crazy while I'm at work and can't wait to get home every night.  Maybe one day I'll get my wish to stay home but for now I'm just thankful he is in good hands while I'm away.