It's All About Customer Service

If Baby J was given a customer service survey in regards to his feeding satisfaction I’m pretty sure I would fail.

Survey: Tell me about your wait time?

Baby J: Well sometimes I get right in, other times I have to wait.  Sometimes I have to wait a long time.  I’m not sure why the wait can be so long.  It’s not like there is anyone else ahead of me in line waiting for a turn.  I’m told I will be helped in a minute but that minute turns into two, then five, sometimes ten.  I try to be patient by sucking on my fist or my toes but there has been more than one occasion in which I was forced to scream at the top of my lungs for service.  I hate to resort to that but hey it works.  I get fed like that!

Survey: Do you feel you are treated with courtesy while feeding?

Baby J: I guess so, for the most part.  I mean I’ve never been dropped or anything like that.  I am repeatedly told to “focus” while I eat.  I’m not sure what that is all about.  It’s not rocket science to get milk out.  So I like to look around while I eat.  What’s so bad about wanting a dinner and a show?  Besides I’ve mastered the art of turning my head while keeping the nipple in so it’s all good. If I feel it slipping I just bite down to keep it from going anywhere.

Survey: Are you given undivided attention while feeding?

Baby J: Never!  She’s either half asleep, watching TV (which wouldn’t be so bad if it wasn’t always some black and white show.  Sometimes I want to scream “get with it lady!  This isn’t the 1950’s), or playing on some black square with a big Apple on it.  She’s always on that thing.  I’ve sneaked a peek a few times and it’s always set to some word game or drawing screen.  Sometimes she gets so involved she doesn’t realize I’m done or I’m slipping off the pillow.  I usually give a swift kick or a little pinch.  Gets her attention everytime!

Survey: How would you rate your feeding experiences overall?

Baby J: I would have to say there is definitely room for improvement.  The milk’s pretty good though so I won’t complain too much.  Besides I have discovered the joy of farting while I eat.  It’s so liberating!  I just let them rip and then watch mama’s face scrunch up all funny.  She tries to scold me but I just smile.  What’s she going to do?  I have her boob in my mouth and I’m getting a tooth.  You do the math.  She’s just got to sit there and take it.  Oh yeah, I love my life!